5 Stupid Problems of Being Demisexual

The definition of demisexuality according to AVEN  is as follows:

A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It’s more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships. The term demisexual comes from the orientation being “halfway between” sexual and asexual. Nevertheless, this term does not mean that demisexuals have an incomplete or half-sexuality, nor does it mean that sexual attraction without emotional connection is required for a complete sexuality. In general, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender; however, when a demisexual is emotionally connected to someone else (whether the feelings are romantic love or deep friendship), the demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the specific partner or partners.

This can be a little bit confusing for someone who doesn’t fall in that part of the sexuality spectrum but I’m going to simplify it a little bit with some examples of situations that some of us may get through that I find hilariously sad.

#1. Even if you don’t feel sexual attraction for anyone, you get horny anyway

There isn’t much more to say to this except that THIS IS HORRIBLE because…

#2. Masturbation can be difficult if you don’t feel sexually attracted to anyone

Imagination is a big deal when you pleasure yourself. And when there is nothing to fantasize except for yourself masturbating, things can become dull and boring pretty fast. And even if you feel romantic attraction for someone and want to have their babies and build a house at the top of a mountain, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you feel sexual attraction at all. But when you finally find someone that you find hot, you are going to touch yourself at least three times a day to make up for all that precious lost time. Trust me.

Too much information

#3. You only want romance and cuddles; they also want sex

The problem with this is that whatever choice you make to handle this situation, it can become uncomfortable for one of both of the persons involved with and incredible quick escalation. If you tell them that you don’t feel attracted to them at that moment, some of them will feel insecure, ugly and unsexy because most people let their partners rate if they are desirable or not. But if you have sexual relationships with them to satisfy they urges, some of them will not even consider the effort you are doing to try  to make things work and would probably think you are a whore just because you are trying to make yourself comfortable. Tip: even if you don’t feel sexual attraction for the other person you could enjoy sex in itself. The last group are a bunch of assholes and they don’t even deserve your effort. If the case is the first one, you could overcome the situation together talking about it and setting boundaries together to make them understand that they aren’t the problem. Or maybe they won’t understand at all and will blame you FOREVER for their insecurities. I think the best way is always to talk about it: nothing great can come from secrecy.

Secrecy makes Pinkie Pie sad.

#4. Sometimes you want to make sweet love to (almost) all of your most intimate friends

There can come times when you feel a strong deep emotional connection with your friends and this can bring sexual attraction when there wasn’t before or won’t be after. This is a common feeling even between sexual persons, but it can become hard to handle when our sexual desire is pretty complicated and hard to understand in itself. Having this desires doesn’t mean that we only want a one night stand, but neither that we suddenly wish to establish a romantic relationship. Sometimes a little bit of sexual expression of love can overcome us. I usually have a lot of trouble trying to explain this, but at the end it always works out well.

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#5. They think you reinforce normative sexuality

Even if you support queer theory, you are going to find people who thinks that you are sexually repressed and that your “posture” on sexuality denigrates women sexual freedom because… Ok, I don’t know why. I don’t even want to talk about this. Fuck this shit.

 

This post format was totally plagiarized from Cracked.com and all information is based on my own vagina.

8 thoughts on “5 Stupid Problems of Being Demisexual

  1. It is so damn relieving to know that a sudden attraction to your friends is normal. I’ve been freaking out about this for years, trying to find out if I’m gay or straight or bi. I’ve been feeling as awkward as fuck when I got sudden possessive urges when a friend borrowed my clothes, or the horror of getting horny over a TAKEN gay guy, two seperate times.
    It helps a lot to know that I’m not secretly lusting after all my friends, and that I’m not going to develop crushes on them or try to break up a few solid relationships over my libido. I think I’ll be able to handle occasional sexual appreciation for people I’m close to.

  2. I used to use drugs just so i could be normal and form a fake a link of love for a person on a one night stand. Id tell myself i love them, and the drugs made it easier to do that. that was the worse thing i could have done. It not only made me an addict because i never knew when the situation would arise and i would be called to conform to the social norm. this is something i recently discovered when it came to demi-sexual’s. I used to think i was way to emotional when it came to that stuff and i when i did meet someone who could make me cum w/o intercourse because i felt so deeply for her i knew something was up. Of course i was addicted to her. Even when we split up i still waited on the side lines for another 3 years until i had another chance w/ her. Even though our second time dating was to brief for me, i still find myself dreaming and longing for her 4 years later. I know it will not work, i know we are not compatible in that way, we made WAY better friends than lovers.

    Recently i went to see an ex gf across state lines and all i wanted to do was cuddle and hold her and rebuild a emotional connection but all she wanted to do was fuck. It annoyed me and made resent her a little because she did not understand me like she used to. It made me feel sad and like i wasted some time. I am 27 and not had a gf in 4 years and my friends and family are convinced im gay. Not that i have a problem w/ people whom are gay. It is just not where i place myself. It is getting harder for me to keep a emotional connection w/ anyone and there for making it harder to find someone to be w/. All i want is a girl who will let me love her w/ everything i have. I was so full of love at one point now i am numb after her. It is hard to feel and i just shut myself in my house and keep no contact w/ anyone. it is a lonely life, but hopefully someday i will get out of the funk i am in.,

  3. Oh my god. This. I’m hetero-romantic demisexual, and I identify with this so freaking much.
    I’ve experienced the “suddenly sexually attracted to your best friend”, and it’s waaaay awkward, especially since there’s not a chance in hell I’d ever be romantically attracted to her.
    Most people I’ve encountered either don’t think being demi-sexual is actually a thing or think that they’re only attracted to people they’re romantically close to, which is not the case. Unfortunately.

    • It is super awkward it doesn’t even need to be a positive bond of friendship it can be a negative bond and it’s awkward as all hell when it’s a negative bond with someone.

  4. I’m not sure whether I’m demisexual. I tend to not be attracted to a person sexually unless I know them well. I would never have sex with someone who I just met, the thought of that actually makes my stomach churn. Even the thought having sex with an acquaintance turns me off. But I do have desires and libido to go with it. I enjoy erotic literature (not video porn though, that tends to turn me off) and sometimes I am inexplicably attracted to my friends of either gender!

    • it’s exactly the same thing over here. I honestly had no idea I was demisexual. For awhile I identified as a lesbian but then I had a romantic encounter with my best friend who is a guy and then did sexual things ;-; sadly he broke up with me. but I honestly don’t care whether I date a guy or girl. sure, I like making love but I would never do it with just anyone. so basically, I don’t care about the gender, if I love them, I love them and sex isn’t a big deal to me.

  5. OMG~ you beautiful thing that has put to words my feels for the past 26 hours!! Being Demisexual is like being the only unicorn in the world… why the fuck are we like, demisexual…

  6. “Even if you support queer theory, you are going to find people who thinks that you are sexually repressed and that your “posture” on sexuality denigrates women sexual freedom because… Ok, I don’t know why. I don’t even want to talk about this. Fuck this shit.”

    I can totally relate to that. And sometimes they get it all wrong in the opposite direction: You’re in love with your friends and you don’t know it yet, but you wanna marry them and have their babies. You’re just lying to yourself, girl.

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